OH Charley
by spockett
Summary: How can a 5 year old make a Vulcan lose control?


**Oh Charley**

**How can a 5 year old make a Vulcan lose control? **

**I don't own them, just play with them. **

**Please review and let me know what you think.**

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"Kid's" he thought angrily to himself, as he walked down the hall to his Captains quarters, "should be born with on and off switches."

Arriving at his destination, he took a deep breath and touched the pad by the door to announce himself. He walked in Kirk's quarters and stood in front of the Captains desk.

Kirk glanced up from the reports he was reviewing. "Spock, what brings you to my humble abode."

"Please excuse me for interrupting your work Captain; but I need to speak to you about a urgent matter."

"OK, Spock, what is this urgent matter about.?"

"Captain, I... respectfully request that you find someone else to attend to..... the boy. I find that I am not suited for this task and can not continue. He will be better served by staying with a..... human."

Kirk looked up from his reports. "You mean sweet little Charley?"

"Exactly Captain, **_that one_**," Spock said with a bit of frustration in his tone.

"Well Spock, the Ambassador of Meko did ask us to transport his son back to his home planet until he has completed his assignment with the Orans."

"You, did agree to look after him for the 3 day's it will take to get him home since he took such a liking to you. Besides, you two look cute together," Kirk grinned.

I am aware of what I had agreed to Captain, however, that was before I found out that the child is........not normal." Spock replied., while trying to avoid Kirk's stare.

" **_Not... normal,_**" Kirk chuckled. "What makes you think he's not normal?" He could tell that Spock was uncomfortable discussing this, as he was not making eye contact with him, when he spoke.

There was a moment of silence as Spock was debating if he should go into detail about the situation.

"Well Spock?" Kirk patiently asked.

"Captain…. the child is a …..he is undisciplined." Spock said.

"Undisciplined! Of course he is Spock, the kid is only 5 years old," Kirk chuckled. "All 5 year old kids are undisciplined. That's why I thought he could learn something from being with you. I bet you were just as undisciplined when you were 5."

"Vulcan children are_** never**_ undisciplined." Spock said with some indignation in his voice.

"Not even a little?" Kirk said, spreading two fingers apart.

"No."

"Well that must have made for a dull childhood." Kirk mused. "Not much fun if you can't go around creating chaos and mayhem while driving everyone crazy."

"Never the less Captain, Spock replied, "He must vacate my quarters for the remainder of his trip I would not want anything to accidentally..... happen to him.." Spock said with half concealed, "I mean it", in his eyes.

"Spock, I have never seen you so flustered before. How can a 5 year old get under that unemotional, logical, Vulcan skin of yours?"

"Captain he is not under my skin, he has been in my quarters, and I need him to leave."

"Are you telling me that little Charley has compromised… that logical control of yours?" Kirk grinned.

"It has nothing to do with logic Captain, he is a…...child without restraint or control."

"Spock," Kirk said while trying to suppress a smile, "why does it sound like you would prefer to call him, the brat, or, the little monster, little horror or...…the **_evil_** child?"

"I am sure I don't know what you mean Captain." Spock said with a smirk.

Kirk pushed the reports that was on his desk away from him, and sat back in his chair, eyeballing his First Officer.

"OK, Spock," Kirk said, after it seemed that Spock was not going to continue without his prompting.

"What has the little monster, I mean sweet child, done, that has got my First Officer's panties in a wedge."

I do _not_ wear… panties Captain, and I can assure you that they would not be in a….wedge."

Kirk chuckled, "Alright Spock, just tell me what has he done that is getting you all bent out of shape."

Spock's eyebrow rose in question. Captain, my body is not bent, and is in the same shape as it always has...

"OK, OK." Spock," Kirk ground out, while rubbing his eyes in frustration. "It's just a figure of speech."

"Please, just tell me what he has done?"

Spock was silent and seemed a bit embarrassed.

Kirk sighed and asked, "Well, is it anything that will harm the ship or it's crew?"

"No," Spock replied.

"Has he conspired with the Klingons or Romulans to take over my ship?"

Spock sighed, "No Captain."

"I know, I know," Kirk said, he's getting my crew to Mutiny, OH MY GOD," Kirk gasped, feigning terror.

Spock caught himself before he rolled his eye's at the Captain. A bad habit he picked up from humans and found himself sometimes doing it unconsciously.

"No, but give him time Captain, and I'm sure he would succeed," Spock said with a hint of irritation in his voice.

Kirk smiled, "Well then.... _Commander_, give me good reasons why I should subject your _little monster_, I mean sweet child to anyone else."

"Do you wish me to give a detailed report, Captain?"

"Oh please do Spock, I am all ears."

"Very well Captain," Spock said, as he ignored Kirk's ear remark.

"He stuck a substance called…bubble gum, under my desk and squished it in the keys of my computer keyboard, rendering it useless."

"Confiscated my Pad that I have been logging in all my reports, and scribbled all over it, calling it his…. etch a sketch."

"Reprogrammed my shower controls to only dispense cold water."

"He broke my food replicator by trying to program it to make.... water balloons and something called.... fire crackers."

"I found him utilizing my **_toothbrush_ **to get a toy he dropped in the toilet.

"Overflowing said toilet when he could not reach the toy, and proceeded to try to flush it down.

"Taking all of my uniforms and clothes and putting them in the disposal chute while I was in the shower, leaving me with only…. Uhura's pink robe and slippers. He short circuited my intercom by pouring something he called green slime in it. I had to walk down the hall to Uhura's quarters while wearing said pink robe and slippers, to retrieve one of my uniforms. Fortunately, I was able to avoid any crew members at that time.

At this point Kirk had his hands over his face laughing so hard he was turning red.

"Well, he seems to be quite a crafty little bugger isn't he, Kirk said, trying to catch his breath. "I would have paid good money to see the pink robe and slippers though. Whew, ok I need to breath now."

Kirk suddenly looked up at Spock as though something just dawned on him, and asked, "if you don't mind me asking, why do you and Uhura have clothes in each others quarters?"

The look in Spocks eyes said, "I will kill you if you tell anyone," however, all he said was, "I do _**mind**_ and, _**no**_ comment."

"Oookay….. well Spock, Kirk chuckled, if that is all......

"No Captain, that is _**no**__t_ all."

"All right, then, _**what**_ did he do that broke the Camel's, I mean Vulcan's back. He has only been with you for a day an a half."

Spock leaned forward while placing his hands on Kirk's desk and narrowing his eye's at Kirk. "He glued my toes together.... while I was sleeping," he whispered through clenched teeth.

Kirk snorted and spit the coffee he had just sipped all over his desk. Laughing and chocking, he tried to compose himself, but when he looked back up at Spock's face, he burst out laughing again.

"Your killing me Spock, stop…please," he gasped while holding his stomach.

Spock straightened back up and clasped his hands behind his back. "I can see that your finding this all.... amusing," Spock glared at him.

Kirk was again trying to compose himself, but could not stop snickering. "I'm sorry Spock, but you got to admit that… that was funny...... Right?"

Seeing the, "No, I don't think it was funny look on Spock's face, Kirk cleared his throat and tried very hard to get a straight face.

"You know Spock, I would never condone the glue thing," he said, as he was barely holding back another belly laugh.

Suddenly there was a noise coming from under Kirk's desk, like giggling.

Kirk tried clearing his throat and coughing to cover the sound, but Spock had no trouble hearing it, and could tell immediately who it was.

He glared at the Captain again. "I see you are harboring the perpetrator," he said, as he glanced down at the desk.

"Well Spock. ..he did come running in here saying that you were going to.. _castrate_ him and then shove him out an airlock," Kirk snickered.

Spock smirked, and drew out the word, "R..e..a..l..l..y."

"Well," Kirk sighed, "I can't have my officers going around mutating children on my ship now can I? All the reports that I would have to fill out, not including the Court Marshal hearings I would have to attend, no, it would really suck. Alright, you are relieved of your responsibility, and I will assign someone else.

Is that all Commander?" Kirk smiled at him with his best innocent look.

"Yes Captain, that is all," Spock said, while glaring at the desk for a few seconds where his nemesis was hiding and left.

After Spock was gone, Kirk scooted his chair out so he could see Charley sitting scrunched under his desk.

"Charley my boy, you were awesome, but didn't I tell you the glue thing was not a good idea. However, **_You Are… The Man_**," giving Charley a high five and then they both started laughing.

Fin.

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**I was inspired to write this story one weekend while I was watching my 2 granddaughters, 5 and 1 ½. Needless to say they can get into a lot of mischief.  
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**Please, Please review. Reviews are like warm hugs for me.**

**Thanks**


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